The Ramblings of an Insomniac

Mon, 06/17/2013 - 04:14 -- Alonyia

I told my eyes to close
I laid my body down
I drew heart shapes with the sandman
And applied long division with sheep until my mind tired of tiring itself out
I was hoping that'd be enough

Still these thoughts came
Pictures of you in the bluest of lights
Painting over the darkest of nights
The refuge that I sought behind my eyelids
Where I dared to seek a world
In which your presence wasn't sewn into every smile I met
Every mahogany mantelpiece I touched didn't
Bring me back to the masterpiece of your skin
I had the audacity to believe I could conjure up an existence in which
Your laughter didn't run free into the night
Only to rest safely in my heart

I told myself these things
I wanted so badly to believe in a world
Where your presence and my heartbeat discover no relation
And I can breathe without the remnants of your name on my tongue

But Im just not that imaginative
The back of my eyelids acquiesce to your image every time
And at the same time that I tell myself not to breathe, smell, and taste you in my dreams
I find little success with such an empty request
It's not that knowing you is all I know
It's just that sometimes I cant decide if I like seeing you from my eyelids or feeling you beside me
So as my eyes close Ill resolve to tolerate the man taking residence in my dreams
As he's settled into the crevices of my heart


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