I didn't plan to take a year off;

I never thought that I would move to Utah;

I didn't know what was going to happen after high school.

 

There are many things that I don't know,

And there are many things that I still want to learn.

But one question comes to mind.

 

This question needs an answer,

But I don't know how to ask it.

And I never planned on having to ask you for it.

 

People act in certain ways to answer this question.

Yet your answer always seems to avoid me.

Or, maybe I'm too ignorant to deduce it.

 

I did my best to be good growing up,

And I even matured mentally before my teens.

So, why haven't I figured out this answer?

 

There's a question that I know I can ask:

Mother, what do you think of me?

Do I know your answer?

Of course not.

Then again, this isn't the answer I'm looking for

Or the question I really want to ask.

 

The answer that I long for will either break me or push me forward.

I already know my grandmothers' answers,

And they're in need of a tie breaker.

 

I'm in college now - following my dream -

And I am excelling with As and Bs.

So, why do I feel the need to ask this question?

 

A question that I'm too scared to ask because

I'm afraid that you're answer will be positive -

An unusual stance but true to this question.

And I'm sorry to put you on the spot -

Especially online -

But, mother, I need to know:

 

Am I a disappointment?