Dear Dad, you will never see this but that's okay because you won't care what I would have to say anyway. Right? Well, I'm 18 now and I think about That last time we talked over the phone when I was 10.  dad, Those phone calls meant the world to me so when you stop calling my world was destroyed. I was in 5th grade and was dealing with so much so when you call those worries disappeared just like your phone calls.   I just realized that in the way it I make you sound as if you passed away, funny?  Dear Dad or Troy whatever you want me to call you.Do you talk about me as if I passed away? Do you even talk about me? Probably not? I'm writing this because I was just thinking about how different life would have been if you didn't walk out. I mean stay it sounds nicer. If you would have stayed. My whole life would be different I won't be who I am now.  Dear father, I've never dated but I've asked this guy named Luis to Sadies my Junior year of high school and it was nice he treated me the way any real man should. He opened the car door, took me to dinner he laughed at my jokes.He was a gentleman to me and it was so nice. I've also never had my first kiss - I have just wasted my time to write all of this down because I know you don't care about anything I just said but, something deep down inside of me tells me to write. Write as if all the stars start to talk all at once and I have to write everything they say down word by word. the stares are a billion years old so they have a lot to say so my hand moves faster and faster so I write because I hope one day we’ll see each other but half of me tells me I'm crazy to believe you’ll even want to see me.   Dear Sperm donor, If was was knock on your door would you answer, wait yeah you'll answer because someone is knocking on your door but what I mean is would you let me in, would you accept me? Probably not because there has to be a reason you left and the reason was me but if I were you I would leave too Probably not because I would have realized that little girl in some way or someday would have needed me one day. To the man who was supposed to be my first love, My biggest hero , my teddy bear, my covers in the storm , my sit while watching movies, my bed when I fall asleep during the movie, my dance partner , and my daddy but you were just a man left me in the dark to defend myself you have  broken my heart before any boy could have  it would be hard to say id forget you Because it would be a lie that I won't ask for forgiveness for.  but i thank the heavens for my my grandfather who was my covers in the storm cause that man knew when a storm was coming and knew my little heart couldn't take it so he would sit me in his lap and we would watch America's home funny videos all night til i passed out he was everything you weren't and he was my grandfather. Oh, how I miss that man he was always there for me. Where were you when I needed you when grandma died where were you during my first show where were you when depression almost took my life? Dad where were you? I've never been to a daddy-daughter dance and when my school had “dad day” mom would take me and my sisters to the park but all of my friends would come back and tell how great it was. I don't talk about you much but now that I'm older people say I look like you but not to be mean but you must not be the best looking but thanks anyways.  Dear Mr.swear. that could have been my last name. Tyeshia Lakay swear. When You held me as a baby. What was your first thought?  What were you feeling? Did your life slow down? Did you-you you were gonna leave from the beginning?  Dear absent father, why did you lie to a tender-hearted full of hope always smiling little girl.Telling her “she's daddy little girl” or “you know I love you right” or “ you can come down when you 16” while im 18 now and still haven't seen you and I beat myself almost every day because I believed you and your lies. Dear me, I don't know why you are wasting your time  writing this because he'll never see this and you'll never send it and if you do he won't care but, why do you care about him he was never there he runs from everything that has to do with you he'd rather go to jail than send you money . So your just hurting yourself. So stop. You deserved so much than this emptiness that this man has left you in you.YOU ARE MORE. THAN THIS. Dear you reading this, I don't know why I still try but I do but honestly I hope one day I can tell him everything I've told you maybe even more. Probably not because he wouldn't listen or would he?