Despair doesn’t come with a sudden weight on the chest,
Contrary to popular belief
It doesn’t crush with an insane pressure from the inside or out,
It’s not a dilapidating claw
that rips
and tears
and shreds the heart a thousand ways.
No, don’t expect an overcast sky
or a meaningful silence; 
Because despair comes from the gut 
from an ulcer caused by endless worry, 
and the aching jaw
after nights of clenched teeth.
It stems from the headache
and the swollen eyes 
after hours of crying, crying, crying.
But mostly it comes from the wish
the want
the need for the sudden weight

that will never come.