Patient 266584-0019


I would wake up every morning and be my own worst critic.

I would look in the mirror and feel ashamed.

I would go to school, only to hear the wrongs spoken on my name.

I would tear my skin just to see if I would bleed; if I was alive. 

I would go to bed knowing that tomorrow would be the same.

So in bed I lay alone and cry till I fall asleep.


Till one day I had heard all I needed to hear. 

I had looked at myself in the mirror and punched it out of anger.

I gathered all the pills I could find.

I swallowed handfuls at one time.

Then I laid down knowing everything would soon be over.


“Lunch time.” I heard my dad say.

I woke up and couldn’t move.

I finally got up and almost fell.

The room was spinning, my heart was racing till…


I woke up with wires everywhere, a needle in my arm, my parents crying.

I realized this was not what I had wanted. 

My brother walked in the room and asked me what was going on. 

I could not begin to know what he saw.

Then my mom had said she found me on the floor foaming from the mouth.

My brother could not look at me and walked out.

I cried until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.


The next day before I left I didn’t see anyone

I couldn’t bare to face what I have done.

 I got taken to this building. 

And they measured my height, weight, took my clothes.

Then for the first time, I didn’t have a name.

I was patient 266584-0019.

I woke up in a room.

A room with nothing but a bed in it.

For the first time I was alone; not just mentally but physically.

That day I didn’t leave my room.

I just sat there, and when the white light came every fifteen minutes; I played dead.

Every night my mom would call, I could hear the heartbreak in her voice.

When she came to see me, I still wouldn’t look at her.

I couldn’t look at her; I could look at no one.

I know I have hurt everyone who loved me for a selfish reason.

On my second day, I finally came out of my room.

I saw that there were others who were held hostage by the thoughts in their heads.

Girls and guys, 3 to 18. 

Everyone was hurting for a reason.

On my fifth day, I was off suicide watch, which meant I could leave the building.

Everything was dull and the same till day twelve.

I was home.

But things weren’t the same.

My brother was in the hospital.

I had caused him such heartbreak, he ended up the same place I was.

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