my heart is empty

heavy like a led weight

yet i walk ever steady

down the thickly wooded path

on this dark and ominous night

 

moving debri and thicket out of my way

it feels as though im in a circle

like a track at a race

you always finish off where you started

never better off than before

 

my guilt starts to weigh me down 

like baggage on my back

and embarrassment is the hunger 

thats nawing at my heart

but hate is the fire

that pushes me towards this torture

hate for him hate for me

hate towards and for everyone

 

i am an ugly shadow of a monster

a shell of a person

this forest seems to enclose around me

the bright and eerie moon watching me from afar

as if it were laughing

 

laughing at my struggles

laughing at my pain

but isn't that what the world does

 

it watches you try and navigate your way

laughing when you fall

and teasing when you cry

 

who cares!!

i feel like crying

like giving up

 

but i can't 

i would hate myself even more

if i give up now

i might never find the end

of this maze called life

 

the end

it scares me

like hands at my throat

tightening

squeezing

till my face is all red

and my poor heart struggling

 

that darkness beyond

im scared

im not afraid of the dark

just the monsters my brain imagines

the larger than life monsters ready to suck out my life

 

but then i put my glasses back on

the shadows still

the lines sharpen

and i realize that im still back

on the path in the woods

 

but this time there's a bed

a soft comfortable bed

but if i lay down i would not get up

 

it's better than walking in circles

so i lay down

and sleep

a deep lovely sleep

and i dream of waking up again and walking