Passionate, Breath-taking, Unrequited, Beautiful and Contrived Love

My heads racing,

My hearts pounding,  

I got nobody in my corner,

I got nobody in my corner,

My back’s against the wall, 

And I feel like I’m dying,

I know I’m dying,

The end may be in sight, 

But I know I have to hold on,

But no one cares, 

No one notices,

They’re never there, 

Cause I’m sick and tired of pretending everything’s okay, 

I can feel the divide, 

I can feel the split, 

Cause it’s just me at the end of the day,

Just me, just me, 

As I sit here with my broken soul and my scars straining me,  

I don’t know what I want and I’m trying to decipher who I am, 

Tension rises and I can’t communicate with you, 

Too much space, too much tension, 

I love you but you don’t feel the same way, 

I’m heartbroken and I can’t keep myself from coming to you,  

I love you and you know it, 

You love me yet you don’t know it, 

I just want to talk to you, 

But you don’t communicate with me, 

You wanna play games, be complacent, wanna play with my heart, wanna strain it, 

You just want to hang with your girls, 

You just want to hang with your guys, 

Am I not one of the guys?

Cause I never left you from the get-go, 

You expect all the blame to fall on me, 

For me to pick up the pieces all by myself, 

Each and every single time, 

You tear my heart apart, 

You got me thinking, 

Are you worthy of my love, 

What happened to us? 

Cause I love you and I cry about it every night, 

My soul is in tatters, 

My heart is shattered, 

Looking for salvation as my spirit breaks further and further, 

The strain I feel, the loneliness that is created, 

The broken pieces and the shattered glass, 

The death of a soul one too many times, 

I’m stressed out and I’m sad, 

I got no one in my corner,  

I got demons cutting my head, 

I’m being torn apart second by second, 

You don’t even look at me anymore, 

You laugh and laugh, 

Yet you don’t laugh with me, 

People claim to have the mindset of doing them, 

Yet it’s so fake and spiteful,  

They claim they’re laughing with me, that they’re there for me, and they spit in my face, 

I simply can’t do this anymore, 

Yet I’m trying to hold on, 

People seek to understand, and they just don’t get it, 

They won’t ever get it, 

Cause what we got goes beyond them, goes beyond us, 

It’s deeper than that, it’s more beautiful and it’s more simple, 

We need to get back on track, 

We need to recover, 

As I seek recovery, you’re a drug that is too powerful to avoid, 

You're making me so high, 

When I’m with you, I continue to forget about all my problems, 

All my demons, all my emotional baggage, 

I seek you, and I drive towards you, 

Yet you drive the other way, 

You left me behind when I needed you most, 

Yet I can’t stop myself from being there when you need me the most, 

I can’t stop myself from loving you, 

I’m falling for you time and time again, 

And it’s deeper than I ever imagined, 

I want to lean on you and hold you close, 

I need to feel your touch and I need to understand that smile on your face, 

I need to vibe with you and feel your rosy hands slide down my face, 

I have a headache and it feels like it’s all going under, 

I want to hang with you yet I’m so scared, 

When I’m with you, I’m so high and I’m so low,

Are you my friend?

Are you my lover?

Why can’t we be lovers and friends? 

Would you care for me?

Would you seek to understand me?

I’m trying to love you,

And I’m trying to give you what I need, and what you need,

But I’m no superhero, 

And that’s my superpower, 

The love I bring to the table for myself and you, 

It’s transcendent, it’s beloved,

It cuts deep, and it goes deeper than death or life itself, 

But I feel myself slipping, I feel myself not being able to supply what you want,

Not being able to supply what you need, 

But what do you need from me?

I need your love and you need mine, 

Yet you distance yourself from me, 

I can’t tell if you’re my friend or not, 

I can’t tell who any of my friends are anymore, 

I’m so high and so low, 

I feel cursed, Cause I been dancing between the high and low peaks, 

I have seen so many negative comments and hate, 

I let it get to me, 

Cause the shame and pain keeps coming, 

The way they mock me and hate on me cause I’m capable of loving and they’re not, 

I’m angry, unsatisfied, 

I shake my head back and forth, 

I got an unfulfilled hunger inside my chest, 

I seek salvation and I seek peace, 

Yet I crave war, 

You abandoned me during the war, 

My face says it all, 

I try to smile, 

But the crevices of my mouth fall apart, 

And you still see the smile, 

People fake fame, 

They fake love, 

But I never switched up on you since the first day we met, 

The first day we met, 

They fake it all, 

And they piss me off, 

I wanna cry and I may wanna die,

Cause you were everything, 

You were salvation and my peace,

You were my everything, 

And I was feeling okay just the other day, 

And now I’m not okay,

Cause the peaks of the mountains go so high and so low, 

You mean the world to me even though I’m just a speck of your world,

But I’m the speck that makes your world, your world, 

Without that trademark you know, you wouldn’t be the same,

You wouldn’t have gained that emotional independence and confidence,

The way you carry yourself, the impressions you put out, 

That was all me, 

Cause I loved you from the very start, 

Before any of them did,

Isn’t that what it’s supposed to be about? 

I seek salvation, 

I seek peace, 

I seek your love, 

I seek your heart, 

I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again, 

I don’t know if you’ll ever see me again,

Cause I’m going away, 

But I still seek the salvation of your touch, 

I’m sad and I’m broken, 

My emotions run high,  

As I continue to hit your line, 

I seek your touch, 

And I call you up, 

I hit you up, 

I seek to link up, 

Even though I’m going away, 

I sit here on this Friday night, 

I reflect on our time together, 

I’m about to leave and you don’t know it, 

The boy turned into the man and he still couldn’t let his love for you go, 

It just didn’t fade, 

Cause I was thinking of you and fading away, 

I know it’s the end, 

Yet I know it’s a beginning, 

A new chapter and a fresh start, 

I know it’s my demise, 

Yet it’s also my rise, 

I know it’s dead, 

Yet I know it’s only blooming to life, 

So I seek to love you once again, 

And maybe with time, 

You’ll love me again, 

Cause that was six years ago, 

And six years later,

I’m loving you again, 

Thinking about you,

My everything, wondering whether I should hit your line or not, 

Do you still have the same number?

Cause I know it’s only blooming to life,

So I’m seeking to love you once again,

And maybe with time, 

You’ll love me again,
You’ll love me again,
Time and time again,

Time and time again.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
My country
Our world

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