To the parent who never was, 

I was turning six when I first realize you weren't a permanent in my life. There was cake and there were games and there was you, which brought a smile to my face but only because I was surprised you came in the first place. 

I was eight years old when you promised me you would be there. you told me on the phone "just wait babygirl, I'll be there." and so on the porch I sat. And on the proch I waited. And I wanted so badly to spend the day with you. But two o'clock became six o'clock and momma had to come outside and break the news. You weren't coming.

I was turning eleven when I recieved a card that read "Happy tenth birthday" and I laughed but momma cried. I didn't understand because I thought it was a joke. Suddenly twelve became fifteen and it was in those three years that I forgot what a father was. I was stronger, I was wiser, I was growing, I was angry. You would call while locked in a cell and I would answer while I locked myself in my bedroom. You explained and I yelled. You apologized and I cried. You asked for a chance and I said too late.

I was turning sixteen when you met the boy I thought I would love forever. You shook his hand, told him to stay by my side, to do me better than you did. He was the first of my friends to meet my father, which made is so much harder to watch him walk away six months later.

I ws sixteen and a half when I lost that boy and while I sat and I cried and I wondered why I wasn't enough for the two of you.  Momma held me while I cried and I had plenty of friends wanting to do him harm, but I didn'y have you to beg to stop over reacting. 

I was seventeen on the first christmas I got to see you. I drove you home and walked into your house filled with photos and presents and this feeling that felt like love and comfort. She called you fiance, and her daughter called you dad, and you apologized to me and this time I forgave you. On my way home I cried and wondered why I wasn't the girl that made you pull your life together. 

I am nineteen and I haven't talked to but I know your life is still in shambles. I'm writing this to tell you that you broke my heart before he ever got the chance. I'm  not telling you this because you deserve to suffer. I'm letting you know I have went through hell and havy many to blame, but most of all you. I want you to know I am not you. my viens are flooded with life, and my eyes hold a light that can not be covered. My fingertips carve love into everything the touch. My chest isn't hallow becaus eof you, my knees do not go weak due to lack of self confidence. I am your daughter who is not really yours, but her own. I am everything I have built myself to be, which contains none of the material you used to build yourself.  You should be proud of me, but I dont need that from you. I am not daddy's babygirl, and truhtfully I never really was. 

love, Macy