I have procrastinated on many things, including my delivery day.

I was the expected 2nd birth, but the unexpected 3rd child.

I have seen a boy dissect an iPhone using nothing but a wall and some scissors.

I now know what battery acid looks like.

 

I’ve been scared to grow up.

Once I received a CAT-scan from passing out in the nurse’s office.

Blood is not supposed to be outside of your body, okay?

I love traveling, especially with a drill sergeant.

I bought my mother a bonsai tree for Mother’s Day because they were out of suitable roses.

We named him Barry.

I witnessed a little boy turn into an angel.

Once I saw my mother in a hospital bed.

Twice I saw my mother in a hospital bed,

I visited every day as long as I would not cry.

 

I have learned that chocolate milk is for drinking, not for blowing bubbles,

and Icees save lives.

I make the best Valentine cards.

I lost all of my friends, so gradually I hardly noticed. My self-image crept after them.

Sometimes I add jobs to my agenda just to cross them off and feel like I’ve accomplished something.

I once was witness to a lady balancing on an ostrich egg, who later made an ostrich omelet.

I fell into a dark pit, and have yet to claw my way out.

One day a boy choked on a Lifesaver in kindergarten. That was the day I learned what ‘irony’ meant.

I would never hold my mother’s hand and was taken out for walks on a leash, much to the dismay of the populace.

My sister and cousin always loved playing with my fingers in church.

Once I played Jeopardy with a sticker tree.

 

I have been incorporating words like ‘discombobulated’ and ‘contaminated’ into my everyday vocabulary ever since I started school.

‘Monster-Be-Gone’ was our home’s number one pesticide.

I would sob every time I was declared the Old Maid.

I have never been to preschool, but was told I didn’t miss much.

My best friend doesn’t need me anymore.

Five times I’ve slipped and fallen down.

Five times I’ve hit my head, but only one left a scar.

 

An accident at a kickball game got me out of running the mile.

I like to talk about coal miners when on pain medication.

It is impossible for me to feel my own pulse.

Car lights are definitely made out of rubies and diamonds.

Glass ballerinas dance on Christmas trees, and Tiggers steal cowboy hats.

I was the jump rope champ in elementary school.

My Halloween costumes have been both scary and original.

I could never go to sleep unless my sister was right beside me.

 

Cherry tomatoes are pointless, and flood warnings bring families together.

I learned that my uncle’s name is Doug, not Junior.

My great-aunt’s pink and white beaded necklace is tucked away in the bottom drawer of my jewelry box.

 

I have no baby blankets, but my bed is covered in stuffed animals.

My silver New Year’s bell is old and tarnished, but still sounds like new.

Rebecca the Recka was what my grandfather so lovingly christened me.

 

I’ve found precious gems between discarded pebbles

My lovely world is no longer rose-tinted, but growing ever darker--a lingering foggy twilight that washes over my mind.

I discovered horrible, terrifying, magnificent angels but they never made the cut.

Shouting grows evermore present within the hearth

Being restrained from an eight year old while on a sugar high--a truly fearsome moment (for him).

Blocking swarms of whiny voices and buzzing lights; the Great Destroyer was born.

Always first, even on the wrong screen. Always first, despite the opponent's experience.

Why does no one want to play with me?

Befriended a witch--one of the best creatures I know.

A little mouthy (but so am I).

 

Plans are exchanged and dreams are made.

Some fall through, but who cares? Memories are made.

Can’t level up? Hand it to me.

No one does, but they all know it’s true.

Family grows a little older, a little bigger, a little more distant, a little stranger, a little more tired.

Dark times are ahead.

Graduation is near and the real fun begins.

A Letter for me, a story for you, and wordless screaming into the Great Void.

And yet, there’s more to come.