Out Of Control

I'm hugry, but I have no appetite

I am heavy, but I feel frail

I feel weak, but so strong

My mind is racing with all these numbers I am calcuating,

from weight, to calories, to ounces and grams.

I just want to be normal.

I want to eat without wanting to die

I want to enjoy all of those liquid calories!

I want to not think about food and weight every second of every day

My self-control has gone out of control and turned me into  monster

Binging and purging, starving and harming

I'm exhausted.

My psych is constantly screaming at me

"You're so fat!" "No one will ever love you at this weight"

"You're not good enough yet, you still need to lose so much weight"

I can't stop

I can't stop until my bones protrude.

I can't stop until I'm too weak to move

I can't stop until this mental illness puts me in a grave

I am trapped in this mindset

I would sure as hell love to stop this now.


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