You’re the whitest person I know!

They laugh and look at me expectantly

Their eyes gloss over

And they fidget from foot to foot

Like they’re warming up for a race

Getting ready to run away from the mouth

That just keeps going

Just keeps running

 

I mean you act white but you’re black

And they chuckle nervously

Because they know I’m not really going to take it as a compliment

But they want to disguise it as such

They know they’ve probably offended me

But they’re hoping I’ll just laugh it off

They’re too proud to apologize to the likes of me

So they stand there with their foot in their mouth

Like a new born baby

 

The only difference is a new born is smarter

They’re smarter because they don’t know

But it’s not ignorance or being naïve

They have yet to learn the social stereotypes

But you do,

And you understand that you have

Called me out of my heritage

I’m not good enough to be the color of my skin

The one thing I was born to be

I’ve failed at

 

Because I dress well

Because I speak properly

Because I get good grades

Because I respect the people in charge

All of these traits are that of the whites

 

You’ve never heard of a properly dressed

Well spoken

Well educated

Elder respecting

Black person

 

I guess you’ve never heard of Oprah Winfrey

Or Martin Luther King Jr.

What about Maya Angelou

Or Nelson Mandela

What about Nicki Giovanni

And Alicia Keys?

Heck what about Jamie Foxx

 

No wait,

Those are just figments of my imagination

I needed a role model

So I made them up

 

But I should have known

I should have known that you

Know me better than I know myself

You know what I like and what I don’t like

Whenever I come over you make me fried chicken

There’s grape kool-aid in the fridge

And your parents hide all the valuables

 

You make sure to ask how my grandma’s doing

Cause I’m obviously living with her

You ask how long my mom’s been clean

Because she’s obviously an addict

You ask if I’ve seen my father recently

Because he’s obviously not in the picture

Actually, no…

Wait a minute

See I was under the impression that

I was a white

Black person

 

Since you can’t seem to make up your mind

Let me tell you a little something about me

 

I don’t like fried chicken

I don’t hate it

But I prefer barbecued

Or baked

 

I don’t like grape Kool-Aid

And I definitely don’t like cherry

Anything grape taste

Like medicine

So does cherry

And that’s nasty

 

Yes I speak properly

But that’s because

Blatant stupidity

Just doesn’t appeal to me

 

So you can take your Oreo

Your peppermint patty

Your moon pies

And your Klondike bars

Your news paper

And your zebra print

And shove it up

Where the sun don’t shine

Because hunny, I get that shit all the time

And frankly, I don’t give a damn

 

Not about what you think about me

Not about what they think I’m going to be

Not about what he thinks he should see

Or the ownership they all think

they have on my body

Because even if I don’t know

Exactly who I am

I know that I will figure out

And you’ll just be stuck

Guessing.