Obscurity of an Eating Disorder

Memories of bright days flow out of my head and drip to the floor

Into a liquid blob of obscure, lifeless, dark figures.

Color. Happiness. Sanity. Personality. Life.

Everything once happy is consumed by the daunting thoughts.

The darkness covers all thoughts of happiness and suffocates them.

They no longer live, life ceases to exist.

Scaly tentacles of the malevolent darkness lurch into my brain.

My own brain is replaced by the new evil thoughts of IT.

Each thought is consumed by the obsession.

I am not good enough. I am not worthy. I am too fat. 

The evil creature consumes every ounce of energy, of what little there was consumed.

The creature robs the life from my eyes;

It hides my true personality behind dark, glossy eyes.

No matter how hard I try to escape the dark descent,

The deeper I fall into the never-ending pit.

Solitude has become the creature's best friend,

Isolating itself from every living organism. 

The warmth from the paternal hands cradle the weak and limp body;

Holding on to the last little bit of life stuck inside.

The hands slowly search and grasp the isolated life and nurture it back to life.

They act as gardeners; giving water to its rooting bud.

Life slowly begins to emerge from the dark descents,

Throwing out the soiled wastes that have accumulated within.

I am worthy. I am able. I can do this. I am beautiful.

Life. Positivity. Meaning. Color. Personality.

The thoughts of unclarity and grayness are now masked by positivity.

This is me. I am who I am because of my struggles and successes.

Life continues on because I continue on, not my disorder.

Guide that inspired this poem: 




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