I'm writing this in the notes sections of my mobile phone 

There's eighteen notes on this phone 

I used to have nearly 50 filled with poems about love and finding yourself and happiness

But one day my phone fell into the toilet 

and the notes were flushed 

Now my notes are filling up with numbers 

1023

860

765

634

532

200 

Now these numbers fall into the toilet

And these numbers are being flushed

Yesterday I ate a lemon 

1 lemon has 17 

And I told my friend it has the same aftertaste as vomit 

He stared at me 

Later that night he suggested we have ice cream 

Ice cream has 160

I stared at him 

I looked down at my stomach and saw the numbers 

Avocado cherries fish 

445 today

445 sat at the bottom of my stomach 

And 160 sat in the freezer

He saw my eyes shift he saw my body shake he saw my eyes tear up he heard my stomach growl 

But this happened from time to time 

And he didn't worry 

And I said ok

An hour later the number read 605 

Too many numbers 

Numbers too large 

They must be flushed they must lower

But he was still there 

Last night I cried myself to sleep grasping my stomach cradling 605

But only sobs could fall out of my mouth into the toilet when he was gone 

This morning I took a shower

This morning I had Life cereal 

Cereal has 120

This morning Life splashed into the toilet 

And was flushed away

This morning the aftertaste of lemons

Lemons have 17

filled my mouth 

But I didn't eat lemons this morning 

How ironic how funny while killing myself I physically flushed the life out of myself 

This afternoon my stomach was empty 

 

For dinner I had pizza and cucumbers 

320 and 40

360

After dinner I took another shower because "mom I feel sweaty and nasty"

No after dinner the shower turned on and the fan turned on 

And the bathroom door locked 

And my music turned on 

And I stood over the toilet fully clothed mind you

And 360 fell into the toilet 

And my stomach and I said our goodbyes to 360 as it was flushed down the toilet 

 

There's another thing

Its a box

And It has numbers too when I stand on it 

98 read the box yesterday morning

100 read the box this morning

98 read the box this afternoon 

100 read the box after dinner

98 read the box after the shower turned off 

After 360 splashed in the toilet

And the aftertaste of lemons filled my mouth again 

Stomach acid 

It's stomach acid you idiot you 

You threw it up 

Calories calories calories

Vomit vomit vomit

The scale 

Your weight 

You idiot you're killing yourself

 

Tonight I'm standing here 

I'm dizzy 

My eyes are red

My voice is hoarse

My skin is yellow 

My stomach is growling 

But that happens from time to time 

And no one worries