As I hear the pounding on the door and learn who is there,

I think, "No, no no."

As I am told to come downstairs to be told what happened,

I say, "No, no, no."

As I listen to the words telling me that she is gone, and how this could be,

I scream, "NO, NO NO!"

As we are shoved from the process of decision and say-so in what happens,

I respond, "No, no, no."

As I am shoved into the room to see her - cold, unrecognizable, motionless - 

I panic, "No, no, NO!"

As as I stand numb and senseless to the stimulation that has been abusing for hours on end, with many coming and expecting sincere reactions,

I disengage silently, "No, no, no."

As people say how beautiful she looks, when she resembles nothing like her lively, warm being,

I scoff, "No, no, no."

As others claim to have known her, and put on a front that they are so deeply hurt by such tragedy,

I judge, "No, no, no."

As individuals show up to dish out support, when they really come to take claim that they were there, just there,

I question, "No, no, no."

As I am told to give my last fairwells and lay eyes for one last moment,

I disbelieve, "No, no, no."

As the thoughts start to crowd my head, telling me that this will hinder me, that this will cause me to stop fighting, disable my abilities, prevent me from conitnually achieving my full potential,

I tell myself, "No, no, no."