The night of the election

I decided not to watch the results

Though updates where on every one of my social media accounts

I decided to turn them off

I wanted to save the last moments of peace that I had

The last moments of my sanity

Of my unafraid blackness

 

I wanted to save my history

History that is now being turned into alternative facts

Turned into back and forth banter

I wanted to save my smile

My carefree senior smile

I wanted to hug my friends a little longer

and tell them that their religion doesn’t matter

That their God is as valid as mine

That I pray with the same knees that they do

Clasp my hands like they do

Bow my head like they do

 

I wanted to hold the hands of immigrants

Envelope them in welcoming

Shake any fear of leaving

Remind them that this country has always been a melting pot

That it was designed for people to seek refuge

That lady liberty isn’t just a statue but a state of being

And even she was an immigrant.

 

I wanted to hold on to my education

A right that hasn’t always been available

But a right that I respect deeply

 

I wanted to go to the doctor and get a check up

Have them run every test and exam

Run up every last bit of my insurance

Before it’s too late

I wanted to receive every prescription

Especially the ones that I don’t need

So hopefully I would be able to give it to someone else

 

I wanted to hold on to my womanhood

And all the services that come along with it

I wanted to preserve my choice

And the ability to choose it safely

 

And lastly

The night of the election

I wanted to hold on to the last ounce of pride

That I had developed for this country

A country that has repeatedly told me that I don’t matter

A country that stripped down my ancencsots

To nothing more than the rags on their backs

That forced them to throw their babies over board

During the middle passage

That repeatedly lets men  get away with murder

And even after all of that

I still managed to have an ounce of a respect for the place that I was born.

 

The night of the election

I went to sleep

But then,

I woke up.