May 7, 2016 at 9:17 PM

 

Upon your coming out

I have heard the midnight sky

Growl every night

Hungry for the clouds

Yearning for rainfall within this desert

When I saw your lips locked with his

When the whole time I thought they
Would one day move in sync with mine

I swear I heard the ground crack open

As the creatures from down under

Were making their way towards me

Making the world go dark

As if swallowed by Satan himself

I saw his smiles in your eyes

I saw how happy you were

And I compared it to the time

We were together

 

Did you ever enjoy my company?

Did I ever make you smile uncontrollably?

Did I ever creep into your mind

Late in the night when you were asleep

And show you what life should

And could be like?

 

Your dad said you called me beautiful

But you also said that there was no connection

There was “no connection” between you and I

There was “no connection” in the way we danced together

There was “no connection” in the way we could sing together in the car

There was “no connection” within the music we shared

There was “no connection” in the movies we loved

There was “no connection” from the way your eyes followed my every move

“No connection” sounds a lot like

A criminal’s alibi

Something used to cover up

What one is truly afraid of

Something to keep the monster inside the closet just a little while longer

 

I heard how he fell asleep in your arms

In the arms I longed to know

In the bed I imagined myself in

I can picture it now

Him telling you that you’re beautiful

That your eyes look like stars

And your smile could brighten up

A room without the lights being on

His fingers running up and down your arms

Feeling the warmth of your veins

Visible of the blood that is flowing

To show your beautiful existence

 

I was supposed to be the one

The one to learn who you are

I already started to memorize the sound of your voice

And the placement of your dimples from when you smile

I was supposed to be the one

To know the curves of your body

All the stretch marks from your growth

The way your hands move

The length of each finger

 

I rehearsed every possible conversation we should have had

Conversations that would start out with you being honest

Telling me you were just scared

And now you’re ready

That you’ve always wanted to be with me

That I was your wish come true

That no one had eyes like mine

And in return I would’ve told you that

You are the first person I think of

From the moment I fall asleep

To the moment when the sun meets my face

That your smile has become my saving grace

That you are a true blessing

I would have showered you with endless praises

Because someone so beautiful would have been mine

 

I longed to know the way your breath

Would feel on my shy skin

The way our bodies

Would one day move in sync

To the making of love

I imagined the way your smile would taste

The way your fingers would feel

Trailing up and down my spine

As I drift off to sleep

The way your voice would sound at 6 AM

I imagined the what your skin would taste like

Lips to lips

Lips to neck

Lips to arms

Lips to back

Lips to chest

Kisses on kisses

Skin to skin

You and I

 

And now you’re with someone else

And everything feels like a half-ass repair

On my mother’s favorite vase

Just one more touch

And everything would come crashing down

The fragments scattered everywhere

 

I heard you said I was beautiful

The first time

You ever called me-

And just like that

From that innocent touch of

‘Beautiful’

The seams on my heart

Had come undone

And once again

I’m stuck picking up the pieces

While you’re stitching

Yourself to someone else

 

-(hms)