Pain. Sorrow. Misery.

The ones that still haunt me. 

Ones that keep me bound. 

Love they continually drown. 

Drown. 

Drown 

Drown 

Love. Love. Love? 

Love… 

Pain drowns love and loves drowns me. 

Sorrow hears loves’ muffled cries and yet none hear mine.

Misery consumes love as love consumes me. 

 

So I will give you a hardy ‘Hello World!’ and welcome you to my depressing life and the home of my inner demons. Their names you ask… Well, there's jealousy,  anti-social behavior, anger, and lust. Jealousy has the role of making me infiltrate the minds of others, anti-social ness is a result of my outspoken thoughts that should be muted, anger builds up inside of me like steam in a kettle, and lust makes me desire those who aren't mine. I know you're saying these are the things that everyone faces but I  know they're mine because they eat me alive then they burn me up. They rape my mind and kill my spirit. They hold me captive and as I try to run, lust draws me back. I try to hide but anger stems back up showing my hiding spot to jealousy. 

 

In the end, I'm drawn back here, alone. Broken and alone. Alone… Talking to a screen. Talking to air, speaking nonsense, ‘What got me here? Who led me to my demons?’, and I don't know… a broken heart. Well, if so that’s not the only event that led me here. 

 

There's the boy who got locked up and still blames me.

 The sister that abandoned me. 

The father that disowned me. 

The friend that betrayed me.

And sadly love yet still consumed me. 

 

It's hard to give up when love keeps you bound, which calms your demons. That settles your mind and keeps you afloat. But then love begins to fade. When it begins to harden like stale bread. Like old glue. When love is out of commission, the absence of love puts on a weight that drags me deeper into the water. Dragging me deeper and deeper to a place where I can't float to the surface in time. To a place whereby the time I will reach the face of the water, I will be dead. Not physically but mentally. My soul will be suffocated from the weight of Love and the lack of life. And with me is Death. 

 

Death is with me under the water. But Death isn’t coming for me it's’ coming for the world. Our world is dying. Dying of corruption. Dying of morals, of respect, essence, of value. But I'm dying too. I'm deteriorating, diminishing, disappearing. Yet nothing happens, no one notices. No one sees my tears, none hear my cries, none acknowledge the pain I feel but yet I'm here. Slowly fading away. 

 

As I continue to breathe, I start to feel nothing. I first lose all emotional feelings. Then physical. My senses fade like my memories. There is nothing. Nothing left to remember. Nothing left to feel. I can no longer feel the weight of breaths but yet I know I'm still breathing. I no longer see the road ahead of me, but yet my eyes are still open. I tread on this rugged road but my bare feet cannot feel it. I no longer feel the pain in my throat but I know I'm still screaming.  And Screams still come, and the screams still roll. Why do I scream, I no longer know. 

 

Pain. 

I no longer feel.

Sorrow. 

No longer holds me.

Misery.

I no longer see. 

Yet they still haunt me. 

Laughter now covers despair. 

Still, I know it's there.

Games replace my pain because I push it away.

Friends I draw near to hopefully run away fear but what happens when all these distractions disappear. 

When my screams refill the air.