My toxic trait

My toxic trait is that I argue with God

Ya know the alpha and the omega

Jah, Allah, and Yeweah

Arguing with why he gave me such amplified emotions

Empathy and Love turned into giants

Giving the beginning and end a wonderful show

I have made my bed with the ground under me watch and praying one of them don’t step on me

My toxic trait is

That I want to be right all the time

I just wanna look into someone’s eyes and wonder what they think about me, how they feel about me wondering if they want to taste me or not

Trying to find the narrative that gets told in every session

Looking my therapist in the eyes trying to see if he is watching this fight with me

Against me

I cry when he not looking and zoning out when he is

Staring him in the eyes searching through his genetic code for the answers he can’t give me

My toxic trait is that I want to leave

I want to leave this ugly world behind and shine a line into my own planet

Where food is not the problem, where water flows through everyone

Where you look into someone’s eyes and see security

Love is what they call it

My toxic trait is that I argue with God

Mad that I can’t see him face to face wondering if he can hear me or not

Distracted by unclear signs

Wondering if I come to him would it all make a difference

My toxic trait is that I’m healing

Knowing that in order to fight the giants that make me I must let them in

I must not see them as my gargantuan enemy but the carnations that surround me already.

My toxic trait is that I argue with God

And not talk to God

Argue with love

And not talk to love

Fight with intimacy and not embrace intimacy

My toxic trait is…