my thoughts after mama asked me "you don't like me, do you?"
i was just laughing at something. don't remember what.
you just wanted to suck the mirth from me because that is what you do
it's mother's day tomorrow.
this is why i hate this holiday.
and did you know?
i spent nearly all of my money buying you a purse today,
because the one you bought was not big enough for you
and all your lies, bank statements, credit cards, lists and
all of the crap you don't need
i spent nearly all of my money buying you a purse today,
because i was afraid of what would happen if i didn't
and i remember what happened last time
how you ranted and raved and made yourself the victim
i spent nearly all of my money buying you a purse today,
because it's you who doesn't like me,
it's you who treats parenthood like a bargain to be repaid,
it's you who makes me feel like the lowest trash with a smile and a change in your tone of voice, just low enough for only me to hear and fester over when i can't think straight
i spent nearly all of my money buying you a purse today,
not because i don't like you,
but because i am afraid of you