Pain  I feel it  from the bumps on my face that spread down to my back

Pain the way one's looks at me as if i'm that hard to look at

Pain the way I feel pressure flowing through my brain and back

Pain the constant reminder i'll never be that

What's that? That girl!

The girl I dream about so desperately, the one I desire to be

The girl who fearless not wack

Depressed what's that?

The girl who's  not afraid to talk back not afraid of the constant clapbacks

Not afraid to  live freely because she knows she can never go back

 

Back to the times of shattered tears and broken hearts

Back to the constant reminders

The reminders of what  could have been happened

Happened with her

Yes her i'm still on her

It could never be a blur

Because as much as I try I still want  her

 

I can't help but think that it all lead up to this

The love was far maybe even distant  

Maybe If I tried harder I could have stopped this

Stopped my tears stopped neglecting the years

The years that had past me so vividly

Even if you were a little crazy you were never lazy

Even when I was gloomy you were never moody

Never questioned my worth on this bright blue earth

Instead you told me my worth

The worth I had never seen

Forced me to see the beauty within

Within my skin

The skin that was cut deep

So deep I almost leaped

Leaped into a deep sleep

A sleep so strong it could've  been wrong

Wrong for me not see what was right in front of me  

The key that always managed me from regret

I’m so happy we met and you kept me from not getting upset

Upset with you

Even though you had your crew  you still  came through  

Through for me

Even when I wasn't  so carefree you were still sweeter than a fruit tree

That's when I realized you loved me

Me yes me maybe  it was hard for me to see

But you were like a bay tree  very carefree

Free of all hatred and negativity but still  I appreciate the festivity

The festivity even when you didn’t want to be

Maybe It was because you loved me

 

I loved your hair your fair ways

The way you made the days seemed shorter

Shorter for me to release my pain

But  for some reason  with all my baggage you still  stayed

Stayed for me to love and love and love myself until

It felt impossible not to love me

Loved me for me not that girl I Imagined but me  

I thank you and for that I love you

 

I did it  #BecauseILoveYou

Nicole Simon