My Monster

Mon, 11/12/2012 - 21:48 -- rer2146


United States
38° 50' 14.0424" N, 77° 0' 58.1184" W

Stealthily weighing, critically searching
My mere presence is riddled with flaws.
For such absurd behavior, people wonder
What is the cause?

I shake my head, i shrug and laugh
but inside I'm filled with fear.
I realize that I've lost control-
their concerns I no longer hear.

Breathing hard, I hear the gravel
crunch beneath my flying feet.
I haven't eaten for hours now
but this victory tastes so sweet.

Open the door:
I'm greeted with an ugly, painful smell-
One of which I fear the most;
One i know so well.

I wince and cringe and plug my nose,
The smell of cooking food I loathe,
I'm losing strength, i refuse to think
Of the temptations brewing on the stove.

The bedroom door is closed,
I'm panting. Oh I feel such pain!
My stomach turns upon itself
And loudly growls in vain.

Ignore this need, I must.
I am stronger than this hunger.
My eyes and hands alerted now,
I smile and wait no longer.

I reach under my bed and grab
my best friend, my worst foe.
Shaking, I press "on"
and see the beautiful "0" glow.

Oh, the addicting thrill!
I step on eagerly.
I close my eyes, inhaling deep,
and whisper "1, 2, 3..."

I squint one eye open, cautiously,
and gradually look down.
My heartbeat halts, I cannot breathe,
Oh, hear the chorus sound!

At last! A smaller number I've not seen,
smiling up at me -
much lower than before;
I realize willpower is key.

I turn my head and look
at my beaming, giddy grin.
I see my bones and drooping eyes,
but still I am not thin.

Transparency gives me away, I feel.
My translucent, paling skin
reveals not just the skeleton I am
but the corruption occurring within.

The goal, the dream, so close
and yet so far it sometimes seems.
I've just lost weight, but with it
I've lost all my self-esteem.

Confused, I stand there for a while.
I'm still not perfect yet,
but soon maybe I will be
and the person staring back at me I'll forget.

A new goal's made immediately. I smile and know
I'll feel sensational then.
I must start the progression now,
and surely I will win!

Hours elapse, I'm breathing - harder now,
the exercise fatigues.
My vision clouds, my limbs go numb,
I fall down to my knees.

I wake up momentarily.
"This has to stop!" I scream,
but that same night,
I fall asleep and of my goal I dream.

I lie here thinking, "Is it worth
such consequence and stress?"
My body's yelling at me "no"
but my mind is shrieking, "YES!"


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