Why do I love so hard? I swear ever since my last relationship, i just feel confused about love. I was so in love with this person and I thought he was different from my first love. But he cheated and lied about the situation. He tried to say sorry and get me back but i knew deep down , i just couldn’t take him back. As i get older, i become more wiser. I guard my feelings and don’t give niggas the time of day. I play with niggas feelings and i don’t like to tolerate with them that long. But then….. I met him…. He’s an older dude. I was kinda unsure about it but i said what the heck.. What else can  go wrong. Off the back he asked me how old i was & i told him him 18… he thought i was lying at first but what the hell i gotta lie about. I hate lying and i hate liars. I gave him my number and soon enough, he ft me. I couldn’t answer at first but once I got the chance.. I did. He went on to ask me about my day and just trying to hold a conversation. THe next day, he called and he pulled up on me. I was kinda confused as to why things were moving so fast but I didn’t question it. I believe in fate and destiny. So what the hell, right ? Once he pulled up, i got in and he look hella fine and at the time, I was still stripping at deja voo. Me and my best friend would go there almost every friday and saturday. Making up to 200-300 each night. While at the club i kept a job at city  gear to cover it up. If i was bringing home so much money in a night without a job, my mom would become suspicious and i ain’t got time. Back to him though, we were talking and he leaned in for a hug. Off the rip, I felt the chemistry between us. That same night we kissed. I know yall thinking, damn yall just met. But if you have seen the chemistry we had towards one another, you would understand why. Are conversations got deep and emotional and then regular. I never really told him about my issues with loving because i didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. He asked if I wanted to ride with him , i said what the hell. I don't have nothing to do and i was interested. After riding around , It seemed like I was in my happy place. No worries, just me and him. And I was fine with that. The feeling was different since he was older than me. Only nine years older than me. He was a year older than my brother. Lmfaooooooo ! Fuck it.. I was really feeling him. After the long ride, we headed back to my neighborhood. I didn’t go in just yet, because , I still wanted  to know more about him. I learned he has 3 kids. I wasn’t like wtf because I could tell he was a good father. You can judge the outside looking in and plus he’s older what do you expect. His kids are so cute and you can tell they are daddy’s little girls. Which made me more attracted to him. A man that handles his responsibilities and put his family first is a yes for me. As time progress, I started being with him 24/7. I even spent the night after getting off work. I know what your thinking, did you two have intercourse.. ANd the question is… yes.. You just met him, how could you just give yourself to him. But the feeling was amazing and we were both on the same page. I was kinda uneasy at first because I didn’t want to feel like i was just giving it up but he didn’t make me feel like that. He made sure I was comfortable and okay, you know? And I never had that. Which I think is the reason why my feeling grew deep for him so fast. I experience a new feeling and the feeling was right at the time. I could care less what anyone else had to say. Because someone truly seemed to care about my heart. I sometimes get emotional when talking about it. I've been hurt so many times, taken advantage of, not cared for… It's just doesn’t make any sense to me. The girl that everyone loves and adore to be around, has trouble with guy’s. I can’t blame my father because he taught me the game but I just didn’t want to listen . I wanted to make my own decisions. And it left me hurt and scared. But not scared for like you see. I’ve overcome those circumstances and i thank god for it. He is the reason, im happy to this day. I may have my moment, but who doesn’t. In  all, Im learning on my own.