my life pt. 1

"I want to break free!"
The queen cried. 
I cried.
I look to Jesus,
"I'm alone again" as the devil
And God rage inside me. 
I released one puff of smoke and
The world waits for an explosion. 
I know who I am. 
But more importantly who I want
To become. 
Music is driving me.
I sing with the birds
but they ignore me.
The leaves now are everywhere
And half of life is bare
As well as mine. 
If I'm just matter and chemicals like
These dying trees
Then why do I feel, why do I want
In a crowded room am I really this 
What hope is there but that
Which is unseen?
Go ahead. Look behind my curtain.
Rage lies underneath.
But divine melody awakens my



I really enjoy the sentamnet of this poem, it`s very well grounded in an emotional moment, and explores that existance really well. The imagry is also pretty great. I wasn`t really able to follow where you were going with the biblical allegory, it does make the poem seem more momentous, and establishes a conflict, but I think maybe you could do a little more with it. In any case great work, have an awesome night.


Hey thank you so much for your feedback. I love hearing thoughts. Part of the poem being momentous and establishing conflict is a bit of mys style for poems I put a lot of thought in to. I use a lot of subtle symbolism. I guess the biblical allegory you're referring to is "I look to Jesus, 'I'm alone again' as the devil And God rage inside me." That is actually a reference to Jesus Christ by Brand New off the album The Devil and God Rage Inside Me. The whole section of the verse reads:

"Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?

'cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend."

I think a lot of my theme may have actually been subconsciously based off this song because my whole life I have wrestled with faith, purpose, and all kinds of social issues. But I started with song references because music is a big part of my life and coping with it. It's titled my life pt. 1 because this really is describing my life.

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