Everyday my feelings grow stronger and stronger while in contrast everyday I try and push them away deeper and deeper hoping that one day they can disappear and all these words that bring me joy will do so without adding to ever long list of reasons why I like you so much like why I can forget the bullshit that goes on around me that you don't know about because with you it doesn't exist, and how I spend most of my night thinking about you, and how everything you do makes me go crazy from sending me long messages to try and change my mind on something to not sending me anything because you didnt press send.
Ha I remember the first time we met it was lunch, and I was shy I walked up to the table said who I was, prepared for rejection but you smiled at me and said hey back making my first day a little less scary and a little more friendly, from then on we became friends such good friends in fact I acted weird around you like I didn't give a fuck in the world about who was watching me or why, then I left, You cried when I told you hugged me like you didn't want me to go but accepted it knowing you couldn't change it, it was the best feeling in the world knowing someone wanted me there.
Its be about seven month since we met and three since i left and we talk all day non stop only to break for the occasional nap, our inside jokes and outside raps always find a way to make me laugh, depression's nonexistent when your in existence I don't know what it is when but its always consistent poking its head out and staying persistent, locked, stuck and never getting out. These feelings forged from a friendship Ive honestly never known and its something I never want to go, but these feelings although hard to express are even harder to suppress and even though I try my best these feelings grow stronger like an addiction to Meth...