An Original Poem By Eva F. Lammlin

 

At My Age

I should be getting invited to friends houses

I should be going to slumber parties

I should be getting grounded for doing stupid shit

But

I’m having panic attacks over school work

I’m making sure my friends aren’t dying from their anorexia

I’m sneaking out at 12 AM because my best friend thought of cutting again

I’m on the phone with my girlfriend at 4 AM because that’s when everyone is asleep

And I don’t want to get kicked out of my house for being gay

 

At My Age

I should be worrying about what my crush thinks of me

I should be sending Risque texts

I should be going on my first date then telling my mother how it was when I get home

But

My first date was at 9 PM when nobody was home I snuck out

To see my girlfriend at a park

I’m more worried about how much I disappoint my family

I overthink every word in every text I send to my dad

And have anxiety every time I ask him for something

Because I feel like a waste of money

 

At My Age

I should be worried if my makeup looks slutty

I should know what all the new drama is at school,

And if that girl Kathy really hooked up with Brian

But

I plan my conversations so I don’t say anything stupid

I hide in the back of the room

So nobody notices me

I try and keep up this… Facade of being inspirational, because if I don’t I’m worried i’m someone's last hope, and If I tell them the truth they’ll give up

 

At My Age

I should be crying over my first breakup

And eating ice cream with my best friends

As they tell me what an ass-hat Derek was

But

I’m crying over my best friend commiting suicide

Lying to my parents about that scrape on my leg

Saying I fell off my bike

When in reality it’s from the roof as I snuck out last night to hug my best friend because she had a panic attack after getting a bad grade on a math quiz

 

At My Age

These thing are the norm

But because we want to live up to expectations

We shut our mouths

Put on a mask

And pretend everything’s okay

All we want to do

Is scream

And Disappear

But we have people who rely on us

Because the ones who dropped their masks

They’re heros

And we protect them at all costs

 

At My Age

Everything you see is a lie