the monster

when i was a child, the night was a villain

stealing away my fun

picking me up and carrying me off

far away to the land of nod.

i heard it coming from a room away,

footsteps pounding a rhythm;

creating a beat for the cry it made,

bedtime, it said.

it wrapped me up in a blanket of darkness,

tight so i couldnt move,

told me a story, sang me a song,

and left me alone for the monster.

the monster hid under my bed,

the closet or snuck in the windows.

i shook under covers, heart beating fast

waiting for the house to stop creaking.

i`d end up asleep and wake the next day,

no memory of the fear from the night before

except my hair all tousled and frayed

from shoving my head under the covers.

they said when i grew up, the monster would leave

and never return but it grew too 

and now its bigger and stronger and different

and changed and not at all what i knew.

see, now the monster doesnt form from the mist,

a made-up fear in the dead of night.

now the monster waits in my head

lurking and prowling while its light.

when the dark falls and my eyes get heavy,

i climb in bed ready to sleep

and begin to fight the endless battle

that knocks me down to my knees.

now the monster is an echoed past,

my tense limbs waiting for pounding steps;

for a door flung open and a blanket ripped off

and voices yelling in my head.

it attacks in a heartbeat rapidly pounding,

a iron weight sitting on my chest;

no more breathing, my thoughts are racing,

afraid to let my body rest.

because once i surrender, theres no going back,

the monster takes away all my control

and in my sleeping the dreams become twisted

and i have to wake up and do it all again.

so i fight and i flee and my legs start to shake

i kick and i scream and i cry and i ache

because life with the monster is too much to bear

and all these nights know that i no longer care.

no one can touch me when i get like this

the panic encloses my heart like a fist.

i`ll lash out and and hurt them and that scares me more

if i keep on hurting, i`ll do it alone.

so i`ll just stay sleepless because i`m too scared.

if i fight the monster, then the fighting is fair.

dark nights are lonely and terrifying

but i`d rather be like this than pretending.

if i fall asleep in your class or in lunch,

its because the monster keeps me up until dawn.

but i`m fighting, i`m trying, isnt that good?

i`m not getting better, maybe its worse.

i`m afraid of sleeping or being alone.

i`m tired of fighting with all of these ghosts.

but even if i cant take care of myself,

i`ll never stop fighting the monster.

maybe one day i`ll be able to sleep

and the thought of the night wont make me shake

one day the dawn will be exciting and new

but right now, i`m just trying to get through.

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