Memory
I wrote this as a prompt for a class, in response the Charles Bukowski's poem Memory. Any similarities are intentional.
I’ve memorized barefoot summers and the difference between
grass and asphalt and the gas pedal.
I’ve memorized names of flowers
and how it feels to see the earth
crack open,
green and soft,
after the snow melts for good.
I’ve memorized the sidewalks I’ve run down,
the bends in the road,
the paced breathing,
the only thing methodic I’m capable of
and I’ve since learned how to be happy
without that kind of
obsession.
I’ve memorized the look before a kiss.
I’ve memorized vulnerability
and longing.
A lingering glance, fingers over skin
hesitation that never wants it to end.
I’ve memorized everything I’ve never said,
and everything they’ve ever said,
and everything I wanted to say.
I’ve memorized warning signs.
I’ve memorized how to cut and run,
and the look of leaving time.
I’ve memorized the names of constellations
and the ones between your shoulder blades.
The birthmarks and dimples that make you
different
from everyone before and after,
but I’ve memorized theirs, too.
I’ve memorized the temperature
of tile floors on bare feet
and I know how it feels to run
from the burning and the cold,
dancing from patch to patch of grass
or rug to bed to table
to avoid the lava
and I remember that game, too.
I’ve memorized addresses and driving directions.
I’ve memorized hiking trails and exit signs and campsites.
but I’ll never forget how to get lost.
I’ve memorized the artwork of albums I don’t know the names of.
I don’t know the songs
or the stories
but I can pick one out from a distance,
in a box in a basement
and I’ve memorized the way they make me feel
and I can’t forget the places they take me back to.
I’ve memorized the smell
of airports
and cities I’ve only spent layovers in
and the recycled air in buses.
I’ve memorized the songs of birds
and how they change with the passing seasons,
calling to each other after months apart
but I know the distance and the time away
fills the places that used to
click together and
it doesn’t feel the same
and I’ve memorized the way a body changes.