Me Next

Does it pain you to know

She hurts herself the way she does?Does it bother you, after asking why, that she always says,Because?When she tells you she gave himAnother chance,Does it make your heart sink?Make you start to think,Maybe she doesn't love herself.Doesn't know this kills me.Maybe she doesn't know it,Maybe she can't tell-That she's my entire world. She's my entire world. And how can I love a person,Who doesn't love them self?Is it wrong to get jealous,When you hear her say his name? Is it wrong to feel like less of a person,When you wish he would just Go away? How is it that I got up this morning,Knowing she fell asleep not thinking about me?How can she be so nearsighted?She knows he's bad for her. Yet he is always invited,Right back into her open arms. I'm just too nice she says.I know it was dumb.So if you know it's illogical, That's he's a waste of your care,Why would you let him in?Why would you dare,Do the opposite of what you told me,That night when you needed my help.That night when you needed my words to keep you steady.But I guess, now you have him, he who is already,Fit to fill all your needs.A replacement for the complacent friend you have made expendable. Me, who seems to be more like gasoline to you, Rather than something precious or appreciated. You can have as much of me as you want at one time,But I can only get you so far,And you can't really tell people, "It's mine."Because I will be sacrificed over and over again,To get you a little bit further.A little bit closer to where you need to be. Where you want to be.And yet knowing all this,I will still bend and break,To keep you happy,To say it was my mistake. Not yours. You're perfect.In every single way. Except in that your misplaced affections,Have sent me in a downward direction,Halfway to insanity,Without losing my humanity.Because then I couldn't hold you when you need to cry.Not that you've ever let me. Not when he is so much taller.Shoulders so much broader. Not when my arms are a little smaller.Even though we are the perfect size.Your shoulders fit under mine when we hug. Your head tucks perfectly between my neck and my collar bone. Your hands, at the back of my shirt, tug. Yet you'd rather have him console you over the phone. Even though he won't answer your text. You say you've lost so many people.But- Would you even care if you lost me next?    


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