I’ve always wanted to be a magician

Always wanted to make things magically disappear

Just like when I saw a man place a sheet over a woman

He uncovered the sheet to reveal nothing at all

And I heard the audience gasp in awe

Wondering if magic was real

 

I started practicing at 12

It was hard because all I had was myself to use

And being the novice magician that I was

I think I got it wrong

Firstly I used knives as swords

Which when thinking on it was not as dramatic

 

I was hiding in a box trying to stab myself

Trying to come out whole

And to be truthful I almost had it

I did come out with scars

But not the gaping wounds that they could have been

I was left with deep scratches that only grazed my skin

Everyone just thought that it was part of my magic trick

 

I then decided I would try and make myself disappear

And I swear I almost have it

I can get pieces to fade

And even almost seem to cut myself in half as my body shrinks

Hollowing out my insides until they become empty vessels

Sometimes the only way to hollow yourself

Is to give away everything you have inside

I don’t allow myself to keep anything for myself

And I guess that’s why I have trouble taking things in

Because I know I’ll just have to give it away again

 

I realize I am a magician

I have cut myself whole

I have shrunk myself invisible

Only I wonder why I have no crowd gasping in awe of my magic tricks