Sometimes, I don’t know why I cry
Why all of the sudden, I go from a pristine marble statue to sludge
And for the time being, I’ll envelop myself in the darkness
And hide under the covers, so these monsters under my bed can't find me
But I can’t hide from the monsters inside my head
I’m never quite alone
And I’m not sure whether I hate that, or love it
Either way, leave me here for now
Like a baby bird, I’ll fly when I get the strength
And sometimes, the next day you’ll catch me with my crimson wings scrawled across my arms
And you’ll know that the monsters in my head have won once again
I’ll never take pills to stop the lypophrenia or the cyclothymia
I’m not bipolar, because I never get manic
Some wear their hearts on my sleeve but I wear mine on my wrists
And my hips
And my thighs
My skin is written in braille
But I only know sign language and nostalgia
I yearn for happiness like the ocean yearns for the shoreline
And every day, it finds it, but just as soon, it leaves
I laugh like no one’s watching, even when everyone is
But cry so hard that anyone would be disgusted to be acquainted with me
It can’t be normal to get this sad, can it?
When I come to you for help, know that it’s hard
Know that I’m ashamed, know that I’m alone
So steer me, don’t let me sink
I’ve patched the sails and taken the wheel
Taken over as captain, leading the way, and even though I’m ready to stop
My anchor can’t quite reach the bottom of the ocean, yet
But I’ll stretch as far as I can
Until I can grab onto that little ounce of hope left
At the bottom of the ocean
In the center of my heart
And I’ll smile
Because good little girls smile
And good little girls hold their mothers hands
And kiss their fathers cheeks
And laugh when everyone else does
Because good little girls grow up
And become big girls
And young ladies
Like, “You listen here young lady”
You’re not going anywhere
Anchored to the bottom of the ocean
To that smile you’ve plastered on
To those monsters in your head
And the monsters under your bed screaming “this—”
“This is it.”