Your skin,

Seedier than a slice of multigrain toast.

 

Your lips,

Dryer than a drought in Death Valley.

 

Your nose,

More crooked than Hillary Rodham Clinton.

 

Your hair,

Rougher than ‘98 Compton California.

 

Your eyes,

Deader than roadkill on Interstate-5.

 

Your ears,

Pointier than a freshly sharpened steak knife.

 

Your teeth,

Yellower than a stalk of corn in July.

 

Your chin,

More bulgy than Ted Bundy’s rap sheet.

 

Your neck,

Shorter than Kim Kardashian’s first marriage.

 

This mirror,

Shoddier than Dollar Tree dupes.