Liquored Thoughts
I've been drinking again -
Maybe to quell the thoughts of you but maybe
More importantly to
Quiet the pain that hangs
Lovingly on my chest.
I'm drinking again because it's warmer than
Waiting...
I've been waiting and wanting to not be alone
I've stopped, believing in the God I had prayed to
When I wished and ached for you and you tossed it
Away...
I've stopped beliving in prayers
Stopped hoping for prayers
I'm hopeless and waning and stuckig in my endeavors of
Wishing and wonder why,
Why He ripped you from my throat.
My night seem sullen and somber and barren -
Bereft of sobrety I stumble and fall over
Onto the bed where you had casually whispered,
"I love you"
"I need you"
"Let's be together."
Sew woe into
My head
My heart
My language
Because you still inspire the motion of my
Ink laden quill when
My mind is in tatters and my chest fills with tremors.
Ink laden quill when
My mind is in tatters and my chest fills with tremors.
And when my eyes blur with salt water caused by your
Memory
I'll lie and say "I don't need you, I'm better, I'm healing"
But the truth is,
I'll miss you, Goddess who kept me sober
And warmer
And calmer
And filled me with heart felt desire and wonder.
I hate you for making me safer because
I gave you my
I gave you my
Hours
And soft satin
Minutes
And I reveled in the
Seconds
And cherished the
Moments
When I told you I loved you and
When I was your best friend..
So I hate you
I loved you
You lied about your feelings -
I believed you and your eyes and I swore
I believed you and your eyes and I swore
You couldn't harm me.
So I hate you
And I miss you
And I thank you for
Opening my eyes and putting
A lock on my chest.
So I hate you
And I miss you
And I thank you for
Opening my eyes and putting
A lock on my chest.
Guide that inspired this poem: