Dad, I love you.

But, all of the shit you put me through in my short existence on this earth needs to be brought to the light, I’m tired of living in the dark..

Lets start from the beginning. From the time I was at least 6 I learned that my family wasn't normal. Most families have a mommy and daddy. Mine had a mommy, daddy, and a stepmom.

Also, around this time, I realized something else not right about this family.

By the time I was 6 I also heard more swear words than a child should.

By the time I was 6 I heard more fights than a child should have.

By the time I was 6 I knew what a black eye looked like

By the time I was 6 I saw what abuse looked like.

By the time I was 6 I learned the routine.

By the time I was 6, Pain was normal.

By the time I was 6, what I saw would frighten adults and children alike..

I’ve seen plates shatter, pans banged on counters, Chairs moved, Sides picked, clothes ripped, legs kicked, angry spit in the form of words.   

I knew when I was 6  when to cower in the bedroom because things could have elevated.

I knew when I was 6 how to block out the midnight howls so I could sleep.

What I knew at 6 would make most people scared for their lives.

What I saw at 6 would have frightened anyone with eyes

What I saw at 6 would have scared anyone with a sense of humility.

I no longer had innocence at age 6.

By the time I was 10 I had been on at least 8 drug runs

By the time I was 10 I knew the smell of marijuana

By the time I was 10 my dad had been to jail.  

By the time I was 10, I figured out why my step mom always wore foundation.

We all have stories to tell.

This whole time I put on a mask to show everyone that I am “normal”

Even my mother couldn't tell.

I wore a mask. I ripped that mask off my face when I was 15.

I had almost forgotten who I truly was under the mask.

Some are too scared

Some live in fear

My voice will no longer be silent about this issue.

I have a voice, that I never knew I had.

I have finally gained back lost confidence.

No one will take this from me.

No one! No one!

My tolerance for bullshit has a short fuse

My tolerance for any abuse is none

We all need to stop the issue before it gets out of hand.

We need to speak for the ones who don't have a voice.

We need to fight for the ones who can't defend themselves from what they see and hear

Childhoods with an abusive are parent aren’t safe

I should know.