I am scared to death of the future. It is always just ahead of me dropping things in my way. I seem to be allergic to happiness. Every time I get close it is so abruptly taken away from me for some stupid reason. Whether it be that it doesn't work out because someone else feels differently or if time gets in my way. Which it seems to. Years of difference apparently make all the difference in the world on whether or not it can possibly be okay. So is it as simple as me not being allowed to be happy but instead having to make everyone else happy every second of every day? It is always taken away. I have been told someone will wait twice. Neither time has it worked out. It hurts having your heart wrenched by a promise of a fraction if something limited yet infinite: time. I don't know why but people don't wait for me. Unless there's a way to communicate despite the distance, fate isn't in my favor this time. I can believe in it all I want but the world is to unpredictable to hope too much. I think know the end my insecurities will eat me alive. The insecurities radiating from the other side are simple and rational doubts of my loyalty. But when it comes to me I can't stand it. I have to many, and I feel like they will tear me apart and hurt multiple people in the process if I can't figure it out in my head. I pray and pray but the pain of thinking doesn't seem to have an outlet or a relief. It all builds up and I want it all to work but I just don't want to rely on possibilities. That somehow we will meet again in the future. I am in love and o believe it will all work out in the end but sometimes I just have a hard time believing...