Dear Sixth Grade Girl,

You hurt me. You made me believe that I was not good enough, not cool enough, and that I was worth less than you. Because of you, I felt self-conscious of my body for the first time. Because of you, I laughed at jokes that put my friends down. Because of you, I felt guilty when I ate ice cream; I used to love ice cream. Because of you, I felt pressured to wear a bra––my young body didn’t need one, but I wanted to look like you. Because of you, I repressed my innate desire to laugh and be a happy, carefree girl. You made an attitude of apathy popular. I tried to bury my personality. I didn’t realize it then, but I tried to be your mirror. I failed miserably at being you, and that made me feel worse. Because of you, I became exactly what was killing me. I became the person who was rude to others to feel better about myself. You were the first person who showed me what the words anxiety, sadness, and comparison meant. I learned the art of putting others down. I learned how to make negative comments that weren’t “mean” because they were only words. Only babies get hurt by not being able to take it–– it’s “just a joke”. You sucked the vibrant life out of me with every put-down and sarcastic comment. I tried to laugh it off. I told myself that you were my friend. I told myself that every “favor” I did for you helped me climb the social ladder. I lied to myself every day. I made myself believe that the hell I went through––the disowning of my personality–– was worth the price of being thought of as cool. Your toxicity suffocated me for years.

Because of the way you treated me, I learned exactly how I didn’t want to treat my friends. Thank you for teaching me that kindness matters. Thank you for teaching me that words do make an impact. Thank you for teaching me that being secure in who I am is the most important thing. From you, I learned what insecurity looks like. I learned how some people use hate to defend themselves against their own internal struggle. Thank you for teaching me that loving the people around me is the best way to improve the world. Thank you for teaching me that the attitude I have does influence others. Now, I strive to always be kind and positive to the people around me. Because of the confidence I finally found, I know that every word I say has the potential to empower. Every smile I give is a chance to tell someone that they are valued and enough. People are watching every decision I make. They will either feel accepted or alienated by my actions. Because of you, I’ve become a person who does her best to love everyone. I am now passionate about including, accepting, and building up especially young girls. The experience of bullying that I went through ended up teaching me more than you will ever know about the value of love. So thank you Sixth Grade Girl, I wish I could tell you now that you are enough. You are important. You are beautiful. I wish I could tell you how important love is. If it weren’t for you, I might not have realized just how impactful selfless love truly is.

P.S. I forgive you