tick, tock

tick, tock

silent nights, silent thoughts

 

but the thoughts are what keep me up at night,

regardless of any of my room’s bright lights

how much longer can I put up this fight?

 

will this continue day by day?

always wondering what he’ll say?

is this this the price I have to pay?

 

he gets mad, he becomes verbally strong

much like the sound of a terrifying gong

and this is when the days become way too long

 

day after day, we put up with this

and him always wanting a hug and a kiss

when was the last time we felt true bliss?

 

I’m done, I’m done

I just want him gone

I’m tired of feeling like his voice is a handgun

 

dodging the bullets, ricochet

my vulnerability on display

i can’t even go out to play

 

without his say-so,

it’s always “no, no”

and then some things that are verbal blows

 

our family is torn

our patience is worn

all we can do is just sit and mourn

 

for the loss of our family - what we used to be

where we all used to be smiling happily

but now it’s like things have turned to insanity

 

my siblings and I have ended up everywhere

just to escape him by a “snakey hair”

all we can do is just sit in prayer

 

for God to help us, we know we need it

we’re tired of dad’s hissy-fits,

empty threats and acting like a hypocrite

 

“get a job or lose your phone,

i don’t want you doing nothing at home”

yet he does the same things and he’s grown

 

tick, tock

tick, tock

tired of everything becoming backtalk

 

we have to agree 100%

or else, in our hearts, he’ll put a dent

and say that what we said isn’t what we meant

 

...if that makes any sense

always coming to our own defense

and everyone living in suspense

 

we walk on eggshells all the time

and have to be in bed by a set bedtime

why does it feel like we’re being charged for a crime?

 

this is my life, believe me, I’ve lived it

after living this I can’t just sit

I can’t stay put and just submit

 

something’s got to change

even if it seems a bit strange

but we can’t deal with dad’s moods constantly having to interchange

 

I know I’m ranting - sorry not sorry

this is my life and I’m tired and I’m worried

right now everything seems a bit blurry

 

I just hope this all works out, whatever it takes

we’re done with hearing that what we’re doing is fake

maybe we all just need a break...