kyle
Im kneeling on the titanium hard-wood floor
Hands clasped
Not praying - begging
Im begging for water
Torrential downpour
yesterday i drowned all day
today i am dried up
Cracked and cursing at the sun that cradles me
because
Though yesterday i drowned
Today i am thirsty
i drowned in strange poison
Until some strange cork
was forced into the part of brain
that spilled sorrow like children spill the question why
Today i am a child
asking
Why
Why
Why
Why why
Where my knees meet the ground feels like two points of contact
But that weight along with what other crushing weight is not enough to convince me
That this is reality
It cant be reality
Why
How
that bottle of rum in the corner by the suitcases
Doesnt look like anything
And it doesnt taste like anything
When it burns blue in my sour sandpaper throat
When it dissolves me slow and warm like
Your face dissolving my mind
Where are you?
I can see you eating milk and oreos on the carpet at preschool
I can feel your deep laugh rooted in your belly
I can feel you nervously scratch your head
Im laying on a heavy floor
Remembering how you walked up to me on the playground
I pretended like i didnt hear you
But you knew i heard you
I want to be there again
And i want to listen to you
I want to hear everything you were going to say.
Your laughter was infectious
It boomed and left everyone within a 300 foot radius weightless
Im being swallowed by my floor
While i scrape through my brain, scavenging every corner
For more memories with you
And the harder i search
The more they scatter away
Like butterflies that are just too sweet to be caught
By my bitter shaking hands
I want to set fire to the peace that settles my brain
This doesnt feel real and i dont want it to
I dont want it to
Because yesterday i drowned
Today i am dehydrated
And afraid of tomorrows sky
afraid of it being swollen with heavy clouds
of it being empty
afraid of any forecast in between
I dont want there to be weather
I dont want to feel my knees pressing into the floor
I dont want to think of your face anymore
And i dont want to ever forget it
But finally i stop listening for raindrops
And they appear
They melt down my cheeks
and crawl over the rigid, stubborn corners of my mouth
Because yesterday you were a beam of light
And today you are only a fog
that lingers in my mind