It’s What She’s Not

I

A yellow rose twisted on a wire hanger

in the closet,

and even that imaginary,

nothing but a

hopeful bit of hallucination— 
A rose so perfect, she strives to be just like it
Pressure, anxiety, stress.  
She has to be better than good enough
She over achieves past her limits and still isn’t that yellow rose.
She listens to the terror through the wall
Fearing that she is never going to make it to the top,

that she will fail and never succeed in her life
Flaw after flaw, her self esteem drops. 
What’s in it to lose?
She has the brains of Einstein, the clothes of the average teenager
She is the teacher’s pet, the Miss Know-It-All
She is the one that drives teachers crazy.
that make fun of her because she is smart
They have material things, she has better things
Her peers envy her, they want to be her
She is the nerd, the one who barely has any friends.
She has the type of parents that spoil her, so she gets what she wants
She definitely deserves it all
She works hard to try and be perfect.
Just like that yellow rose twisted on a wire hanger in the closet
Imaginary 
Nothing but a hopeful bit of hallucination
It wasn’t real, she wasn’t real
She hid behind this exterior of long dark brown hair thinking of who she thought she was 
She had a true self that wasn’t there
She was a hallucination, invisible, worthless.

II

Dear friend! I’m with you inside your head
   where your brain is fried to the max
I’m with you inside your head

where your hallucinations keep you sane

I’m with you inside your head

where your life is hard to depict

I’m with you inside your head

where your thoughts are buried under smoke

I’m with you inside your head

where all your mental pictures have black spots on them

I’m with you inside your head
    where your grandmother’s face keeps appearing
I’m with you inside your head

where your father keeps telling you to not end up like him

I’m with you inside your head

where your mother is crying

I’m with you inside your head
   where your existence is slowly fading
I’m with you inside your head
   where your last few weeks are coming to an end