I did not cry

I did not mourn

I was not alone

It wasn't cold

It wasn't dark

It wasn't Me

I sat at the table with the rest of my family

playing cards and laughing because 

I did not give in.

The words never made sense

despite reading article after article and 

asking question after question.

It didn't feel like it even happened 

because

It wasn't me.

I did not hold the knife

or drink the bleach

or run the shower

or lock the door

or cry.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me

It wasn't ME.

Bipolar

ADHD

Anxiety

history of schizophrenia

It wasn't me.

I could smile and laugh and play

I was happy.

So how did I end up alone on the floor

clutching my wrist

vomitting blood.

How did I end up in the ER 

in the Mental Hospital.

It couldn't have been me.

But it was.