It was in that moment I knew it had to change.

Change for the better, to find that girl I used to be.

She was in there, waiting to be set free.

What would it take to release her?

 

How long would it take?

I had told her to leave me alone for as long as I can remember.

Could I really undo the damage that had been done?

I let her in back in, bit by bit.

 

My wall began to fall.

I let in my better self as well as many friends.

I knew it was too good to be true.

One afternoon it all came crashing down.

 

It’s never an easy thing, choosing your weapon.

Desperation fills me on the inside.

Guilt battles with my brain.

The addiction conquers all.

 

I select the newest addition to my collection.

The thin, silver blade, no longer than my thumb.

A small voice squeaks no,

the louder voice booms yes.

 

The razor to my skin has never felt so right.

Nine months apart, reunited that night.

Once, twice, three times.

I watch the blood run down the drain.

 

I don’t want to stop this habit, but even if I did, I couldn’t begin to know how.

It was in that moment that I knew nothing would ever change.