I'm Scared to Grow Up

I'm scared to grow up because I don't want to turn into my mother

They always say "you look just like her"

And don't you behave the same?

I don't want to grow up and be so volatile that my kids can't come to me

I don't even know if I want kids

If I turn out like her, they'll hate me

I've hated my mother for years

I'm only fifteen

Just a lonely little girl in an unforgiving world

I cut and I cry, abandoned in the black night

I don't even care at this point

We fought about self-harm again, she and I

She heard a rumor that I was still cutting

(I do)

And she didn't even ask if I was okay

Just started yelling at me like it wasn't even real

Saying we'd had this conversation and who was I to make other people uncomfortable because someone couldn't keep their mouth closed

Of course, I'm to blame

Who else would she fault?

You see, I'm scared to grow up because I don't want to be like her

I don't want to grow up and not know how to listen

I can't love myself because I'm scared to become her

I'm scared

Too scared to grow up.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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