I'm okay

I'm okay. A late night party, a sloppy kiss, and it started. I'm okay. My skin tingled, your touch igniting every nerve in my body, like sparks dancing off sparklers. Little did i know it was more like dynamite and an ignited string. I'm okay. Your fingers traced patterns, tattooing my skin with the memory of you in every touch. I'm okay. I pulled the door open quickly and closed it softly, the warm breeze blowing my wild blonde curls back as I ran to your car. Sneaking around never seemed fun until you. I'm okay. I laid my head on your lap and looked up at you, your face occasionally illuminated by the warm yellow glow of the passing streetlights as we drove. I'm okay. At every stoplight you gazed down at me. I'm okay. Each kiss filled another space in my heart I didn't know was empty. I'm okay. I gazed at stars as you laid next to me on soft green grass, holding my hand and looking only at me. I'm okay. Water from the shower washed away my hesitation of telling you the truth when you asked. I'm okay. Good music played often, a playlist of songs that made me think of you. We kissed and kissed and kissed. I'm okay. Spider-man kisses during horror movies and rendezvous that led to stolen sweatshirts and t-shirts. I'm okay. The pitter patter of secret steps. I'm okay. Whataburger at two in the morning. Coffee. Rooster booster. I'm okay. You whispered empty promises in my ear, the string of lies seeming endless. My mind wondered how many other girls you told these things to, to her. I'm okay. The door beeped but they stayed unaware. I'm okay. Compared to the way we fit together, nothing mattered. I'm okay. My sunshine drew you in, but sunshine got old. I'm okay. A conversation in a car. I'm okay. Silence. The end of the string. I'm not okay I'm not okay I'm not okay. And that's when I learned the hard way that you didn't need me. I needed you. But I deserved better, I deserve better. You burned me, we blew up, but I am not destroyed. I am renewed. I am okay.     


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