I was taught being gay was wrong
And it was something everyone looked down upon
When I was younger I remember praying on my knees
Why God, why me
Set me free from this sin I was told would keep me from that heavenly breeze
I am worth nothing repeated in my head
Verbal abuse from myself and not from someone instead
My very own mental jail and there was nowhere I could bail
With these tears gushing every night
Bullies at school I feared for my life
Society saying no to a husband but yes to a wife
This love I have for a man wouldn’t go away even with all my might
But just to be accepted?
But for who? For friendships that wont be invested
This Prejudice and hate in my life that molested
Time and time again, the fear of being Rejected
By parents and friends, will they be detested?
So this gayness I tried to prevent it
Because even myself couldn’t comprehend it

Cleanse my thoughts and avoid
This world was playing me like a toy
I had to just go away and unpollute the mind
And myself I had to find
My ears fuse and steam with this unhappiness I have within that makes me mean
God, Isolate me, remove me like a spleen
To a place where I can understand everything
I wanted to be somebody else
I didn’t embrace my intricate self
God Make me normal
I don’t know how much I can handle
I couldn’t seem to fathom why I was so different
Imagine being passed judgment
Condescending and scornful words, constant
this was the language that was fluent
I concealed myself like a box and sadness arrived as the shipment
I kept it all in so secretive
Guarding my attraction for men was imperative
Lost and confused
Open this heart and heal this pain that has stung for so long
this unforgiving and resentful heart that has been stung by the bees of the past
I need to recover fast before I let this soul outlast this bodies’ fleshy overcast
this emptiness inside seems like it will never be filled
So ill just fill it with alcohol & shame, I think maybe now I should write my will
because my next alternative will be a pill

This isolation from Love
This solitude is the straitjacket on my heart
my heart is sinking and loneliness is the anchor
How pathetically abandoned it felt
It was only beating to the knocks of emptiness at its doorstep
When will Love engulf me and occupy this vacant heart
I no longer want my heart give it up for adoption
Maybe suicide will be my last option
This love I yearn for is quite pathetic
Dead inside where’s the paramedic
1..2..3 clear
I've faced my fears so why do the tears still appear
I’m not caught in the headlights like a deer
but more of a fish out of water
Nurturing and growth is what I need like a potter
I never felt like i was good enough
So I put a wall up
but this didn’t make me anymore tough
It’s hard to talk about this stuff
What I’m expressing I cannot forge it
These writings are my alcoholic courage

You may call me as u please homosexual, faggot, queer, an abomination
But I’m just like you, God’s creation
As I yell, pain and grief evacuate my heart’s circulation!
In the past I’ve felt ashamed, but all that I overcame
Baffled by the hurt that was created
And the inner being that couldn’t be flourished
And now I have courage
not to fight but ignite
something within, lets all shine bright
Do you feel me when I speak and write?

We don’t need another gay boy or girl 6ft deep
To then see another parent weep
lets take a leap
lets stand together and try to reach
As many people as we can,but I’m not trying to preach
This is out of love, can someone give a bleep?!
If your not with me your against me so have a seat
I just want joy, love, and peace
And I pray for the day this discrimination for the gays will be obsolete