Smiling wide

Im happy.

I laugh and love

im here for you, 

your struggles don't need to be dealt with alone.

 

You ask me where I am

not how I am.

 

I cry,

I scream,

I tell you im fine,

just tired,

no straight answers,

It will pass.

It always does

just seem to pass me by

 

I go home,

I go to the bathroom,

and take some more.

I put them under my bed,

in that box where I keep them,

I grab that book,

and I keep writing.

 

My laptop makes it way to my desk,

those documents open,

ready to print.

I find those envelopes,

and package the paper.

They're laid out,

neatly,

contradicting,

on the bed,

im ready now,

I am going to give up.

Give up now.

 

You message me,

ask about homework,

I reply, 

explaining, 

you understand, 

you say goodbye.

I say goodbye,

little do you know,

for the last time.

 

Holding the box,

feeling its weight,

filling the glass,

 

Down

 

The chill,

the pills

down...

 

Down...

 

I wait, 

time passes,

i feel tired.

I lay down

 

I am going to give up.

Give up now.

Please save me.

Final chance.

 

Im done now.