I'm Alive
I don’t confide with the sun
I wake up slowly in bleak
My agility has become vitiated
Side window, bed side window to accompany my queen size
Taut closed not an inch of light, shine of ecstasy to peak through and penetrate me
The mortal aches in my brown ashy, dried skin layered peanut of shape composed head
Contemplating about life and where I stand in my bed for a queen in size
The procrastination to get up, awake from the dead, carry my narcissistic paradox of animated, baleful love and hate for myself and the will to live
The severity of the extreme wretch agitation I feel on my waist, on the lower half of me
The rancor overpowering my thing feet
Semblance brown beauty, but really a repressing havoc
Ravaged destruction of pains aches it mocks
Guilt saunters me
I’ve learned to be falsely zealous to my mind betraying act of wince
Awe, no it’s not pretense
I don’t perfect my soothing, warm sheets lying lifeless on my bed for a queen in size
I like it that way it expresses me
A mess that drowns in misery
I almost died
For the sun I do not oblige to confide
Diluted into the darkness of my room filled of emotions in the enclosed cubic square atmosphere
For I’ve become accustomed to it
I assimilated myself into it
I like it that way it expresses me
Mournful darkness, dark, black heart of anguished sins
Gloom black, dark mournful soul of sinister integrity
The blackness in mourning darkness of my mind
Those thoughts of death that haunt me
I’ve tried and tried to demolish those thoughts, but I’m sick
I’m worn down
I just can’t do it anymore
I can’t despise them anymore
I have learned to reconcile with them
They’re of me
And that’s a fact not a false belief
With my aches and pains that took over me
I rise up slightly for myself to falter
Then with my weakness that rectifies to strength
I rise again
Hunched over back with ribs revealing themselves through my brown skin
I’m so healthy gaunt, thin of perpetual hurt
Stretching my once restrained arms of imperfection
With it comes a yarn from my distinct brown lips of softness
I wrapped my own affectionate warmth of self love heat around me
The agony I face means I can feel
I’m not numbed of temporary satisfaction
So I can feel
Through my African, Native eyes I’ve been exposed to neurotic encounters
It puts immense apprehension on me
So I can see
I can foresight truthfully
I can touched, I cannot be blinded
I can see, matter of fact I can see quite clear
I live and I have yet to die, but as of now in my room of solitude with my heart, soul, and mind
I’m alive