If you loved him,
Those words wouldn't roll off your tongue like a ball down the alley.
If you loved him,
Yelling at him would burn your throat like you just look 7 shots of liquor.
If you loved him,
You wouldn't be able to call him names because you would choke every time you tried to speak.
If you loved him,
You wouldn't be able to lay a hand on him because your body would freeze in shame and your hands would shake like a woman with Parkinson's.
If you loved him,
You wouldn't dance in ways he never wanted to learn.

If you loved him,

You would cringe every time you left a mark on him, for his skin is too precious to be broken.
If you loved him,
You would leave him.
But if he loved him,
He would leave too.
Except he can't.

He doesn't know what is best for him anymore because you brainwashed him.
Like a dementia patient,
He forgets to speak when you walk in the house
In fear of being wrong. In fear of being hurt. In fear of you.

He doesn’t know how to say, “No”,

Because you disregard it every single time anyway.

Because before you he was never like this.

His eyes used to light up, like stars in the sky,

I swear you could see them from Mars.

His walk was never so timid,

He used to have confidence.

His head was always held up before you,

But you pointed it to the ground so many times,

He thinks gravity just isn't working in his favor anymore,

He thinks that if he dropped his confidence and his self respect at the same time,

One would fall faster than the other,

Despite what Einstein says about gravity;

Despite how he said 2 things will fall at the same rate until you factor in surface area,

He feels his self respect plummeting faster than his confidence.

If you loved him, you wouldn't do this.
And if he love him, he wouldn't either.

But, I guess after all of this,

He doesn't know how to love himself anymore.

Because loving yourself means having a healthy regard for yourself, it means you’re not arrogant because you’re humble.

But his humbility was taken and exchanged for humility years ago.

The day you walked into his life you exchanged the two.

It’s like staying in America and exchanging American Dollars for European currencies,

You took them and gave him back what he didn’t need; what was useless.

But while you did so,

You made him believe the greatest parts of him were the part that you created,

And you took every single good attribute he had and threw them away.

You exchanged it for that humility.

And that’s why he walks with his head down.

Because you made him think loving himself was like smoking cigarettes,

Just another bad habit.

So when you think he loves you, know he doesn't.

Because to love you, he would have to love himself first,

And baby you ruined that a long time ago.

So if you really think you love him,

If you justify hurting him as loving him;

As leaving marks and scars,

Emotional and physical as loving him;

Then leave,

Because he can't leave if he doesn't love himself.

And baby you ruined that a long time ago.