If it were up to me,

you'd be so different,

If it were up to me,

you'd visit each day.

If it were up to me,

you'd see this little soul :

blooming, glowing, growing, laughing, crying, crawling, sleeping, walking, talking, dancing,

waking, faking, smiling, making my heart skip a beat.

If it were up to me,

you'd break away from you fear.

If it were up to me,

you'd grow a pair.

Take responsibility for what it is you helped create,

stop the debate,

freight train crashing into every plan,

I thought you were a man?

I thought you had manners, showed love, and true affection.

If it were up to me,

I'd turn back time,

I wouldn't of believed in your promises and lies,

Truth is your nothing but another lost cause,

a narcissistic sociopath,

believes in only his words, thoughts and feelings.

Wait, a person, a human with a soul can't do what you have done.

Abandoned your own son?

If it were up to me,

you'd continue to stay away,

until the day you realize it is too late.

you will realize it is you who have lost,

lost this amazing beautiful life.

If it were up to me,

but it is not.

In the end, my son, not yours, will know only love. 

Will know that he deserves everything, and you absolutely nothing.

If it were up to me,

this flip flop in my brain would stop.

A part of me is sad,

not for you but for my son,

in fear that he may miss what cannot be redone. 

It is up to me,

to raise my son into a good man.