The Ice Queen

Someone told me the other day

That they appreciated me, found me nice

And to this I didn’t know what to say

I’m sure I said something soft and concise

Because this isn’t anything

That I’ve seen before

Somebody’s thawed the ice queen

They’ve taken down her walls and made

Her much more sweet and keen

To look upon the world with compassion

Nothing changed within her soul

She was kind before she was bold

Enough to show it and not hide

Behind frozen water and misplaced pride

The ice queen sat in a classroom

Freshman year, as stiff as the graphite

Pencil trapped in her hand, costumed

In layers of  defencive, defective frost

This is the moment our queen began to

Thaw, melting the ice behind her eyes

Turning that pale blue from frozen to

The soft misty morning sky

Childish walls were built by multicolored

Blocks raising miles high

Past the small school and smaller still

Her equally fenced in friends

This freshman queen was clinging to her

Baby blocks, holding them around her

Like they were the only things

Saving her from becoming mature

Perched on her school grade plastic throne

The winter sovern felt her walls shake

From next to her, someone in had flown

A senior, just as walled as she

A lark singing sweetly and sarcastically

At this art class table there were four or five

But for her, there was only the queen and the

Lark to her left.

It had not yet dawned on the ice queen

That a child she was no longer

Growing up she didn’t look it

But now her mind hadn’t processed it

That she was years away from independence

And a step beyond her frozen existence.

Here comes the lark, raven haired and

Sarcastic, to break the news

You’re intimidating

He says one day

Have you tried being nice

He says the next

Never mean just being accurate

The queen couldn’t even process

It, as she prided herself with being that

Way, it guarded her from feeling the abscess

That comes with appearing something other than

Completely heartless

The queen longed for nothing

More than connection

All while she harbored chains and spikes

Shouting for company as she scared them away

The queen was only this way to guard her tender

Soul, she wore armor and decided to rule them all

Because if she was so guarded, a subtle offender

Of everyone around her, they couldn’t hurt her

Couldn’t yell at her the way that she herself did.

I was the ice queen when I had no other option

When I was young and full of pain

But these moments that I started thawing

That's when I was real again

For a whole year I worked to become vulnerable

I am trying to be nice

Was my mantra and I stopped faking it

And I became it

And here I am, out of winter

My walls have melted and the snow in my hair

Turned to spring flowers

I am strong enough to be weak

I am strong enough to be nice

The walls are gone and replaced

With just strength.

Vulnerability is the only true way

To maturity

That's a secret

That as I’ve grown up

I’ve come to know.


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