I Write


I write
I write to remember
I write to forget
I write to understand

The simple act of putting words from my head onto paper
To help me look back on details of my memories
What did I see, hear, smell taste? What did I feel?
Written words on paper is a tactile memory and makes things seem more real

I write to have a physical reminder of times I want to keep close
The sound of my friend’s ongoing laughter
The way his bright blue eyes looked- full of life and joy
The things I cannot see anymore because he died- just a 16 year old boy

I write to remember who I am
What I believe and what I feel
To figure out what I need to get done
To learn if what I do fits with who I want to become

I write to forget my anger, fear, and grief
How I would get so mad at my dad I would want to do something bad like punch something
I hated that he drank so much and would be mean
To my mom especially. Over little things he would make a big scene

I write to capture the fear of the unknown onto paper so that maybe it will get out of my head
What is dad going to be like after leaving without saying bye to me? Nicer or meaner?
In college, what will be the same, what will be different, what should I do?
What if the ideals I believe are not actually true?

I write so that I can overcome grief
4 friends in 1 year is 2 much, period.
Two car crashes, a “successful” suicide attempt and an overdose
Writing it down gives me a chance to breathe and feel a little less gross

I write to understand others and situations
I am forced to slow down enough to find words and organize thoughts into lines
Maybe see things from their perspective rather than make a judgment quick
Everyone lives a life unknown to others and has their own things that make them tick

I write to answer my own questions
When there is a situation where I get upset or I don’t get why it happened, I question
Why didn’t I see the pain he felt? Why did dad leave? Is there something I could do?
With writing, I think about the possible answers and maybe one is true

I write mostly for myself
I write so that I will learn from my experiences and grow
I write to understand, to remember, to forget
I write


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