I Worry and I Pray


United States
41° 28' 36.5592" N, 81° 50' 59.1252" W

We all have our issues.
And everyone’s problems are relative.
Relative to the life they live and the experiences they have.
Let me share my problem.
I am sad.

I am sad because I am watching my housemate and friend,
a smart and wonderful man,
develop psychosis.
I am not sad for myself, I am sad for him.

Have you ever watched someone lose it?
Maybe you have.
Or maybe you have only seen the end result of a mental health problem.
I can tell you,
the process of watching someone grapple with losing touch
is a heart wrenching and eye-opening experience.

Beyond the sadness,
I worry about him hurting himself.
I pray the psychosis
doesn’t cause harm to the other housemates or myself.
I worry about having to call the police on him again.
And how the system operates such that if person who is ill
declares that they will not hurt themselves or others,
the police and the medical squad have their hands tied.
I worry when he will get medicine
and if it will work soon enough.
I worry.
And I pray.
I pray for him.

Never will I look at someone with a mental health illness the same.
Whatever the issue is that they are dealing with,
it is possible they didn’t start there.
Rather they took a hard journey through hell to get there.

Imagine knowing you are becoming something you shouldn’t,
someone you don’t know.
But you cannot stop it.
Maybe all you can do is take medicine that numbs you.
Imagine that life.

Think twice before judging or taking mental health issues lightly.
While all problems are relative
and yours may be just as bad or worse,
this is a problem that is difficult
and anyone who has struggled with it or through it
deserves our respect.

Guide that inspired this poem: 


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If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741